I thought I was happy being caught in between

I read this article in the wall street journal about people who are ambivalent. I've never really been the type to be strong-minded on issues like saving the environment or what kind of career I wanted to have. Heck, I struggle every day to decide what to have for lunch. Sometimes I lose that battle and just choose not to eat altogether. Smart move, Ellis.

There are a lot of things that I know I want to choose more of a side to be on. In terms of being who I am, I want to know really find the things that make me tick (good or bad) so that at least I can feel that I know myself.

Relationships: what things do I stay for, what things do I give up on, what things are the right things to do, what things do I stick stubbornly to?

Career: I started out wanting to be a writer so bad, but now I write mindless things every day for work. I'm not even sure how to turn things around to make them more creatively challenging for me without using puns (which others find brilliant and hilarious). I have no goals I'm working towards (other than "find a FT job and get good benefits") and yet I'm so certain that things will work out - eventually.

Life: HA, I can only pull the "I'm still young" card when I'm hanging out with people older than me, but really, how's that helping me anywhere? There are hundreds, thousands of kids who have more motivation and smarts to get them further than I could ever possibly go.

Heritage: It's silly to think that I worry about my non-existent kids. They're gonna have to freaking learn all this Cantonese and Mandarin at the very least. I remember when I was younger when aunties and uncles learned that I was an ABC, they'd always ask: Do you know how to write your name? Duh! Of course I did! Didn't everyone? I was one of the lucky ones. Today, I'm surrounded by Asian Americans, and I see them clinging on to their heritage, making the effort to learn more, to see more. While I am kind of stuck in that grey area. I want to but...I've got other things going in my life.

My brilliant friend, Joyce Chow, said, "It's important to be able to prioritize things in life. If something's not a priority, don't waste your time on it. There are too many other important things."

And she's absolutely right. So. Priorities. Where do I even begin? Where do I axe the less important things? I guess I better find out what is important to me.

(Haha work - not so much lol)